Loving Someone Through Dementia: Why I Created Dementia Caring with Kerry and the Real Hope It Offers to Families

What if helping your loved one with dementia didn’t have to feel so overwhelming?

If you’re loving, and possibly caregiving for, a spouse or parent with dementia, you’ve probably felt the swirl of emotions that come with it.
A mix of emotions like confusion, fear, guilt, frustration, unsettled, deep love, and a desire to “get it right”. You want to understand what they’re going through.

You are already doing the work.
You are already showing the love.
And, you want this part of your life, and the life of the person you love, to be the best it can be.

You’re not alone. There is a way forward that will leave you feeling grounded, confident, and hopeful.

The evidence will be in the reaction of this person you love with dementia.

In this post, I want to share the story of why I created my signature program, Dementia Caring with Kerry, an online, self-paced course and why it might be exactly what you’ve been searching for.

The Journey That Led Me Here

I’ve been working in healthcare since 2002 and started focusing solely on people with dementia in 2003.  My career path led me into roles with increasing responsibility, from executive director to regional director, where I oversaw care for hundreds of people with dementia.

While my job title evolved, one thing stayed constant and that was my deep respect and admiration for the people living with dementia and the families who loved them. 

Over and over again, I witnessed something most people never get to see:

Grace,  Humor, and Genuine Humanity.

Whether it was the residents, their families, or the staff, I kept seeing the same thing, 

When people were treated like humans, they responded like humans.

Labels, diagnoses, age, background, ethnicity, none of that mattered. Dignity did.

Eventually, I left the corporate world and started my own practice as a Dementia Coach to bring this ❤️ message of hope ❤️ to more people. Over the last decade plus, I’ve brought this message to thousands through books, lectures, trainings, coaching and consulting.

But I knew that still wasn’t enough...

The need is growing every day as more and more people are starting to show symptoms of dementia, and I wanted to make this hope and support available to every household that needed it. This message of hope had to be more accessible. More scalable. And most importantly, more adaptable to each person.

I’ve seen and heard countless stories of all that goes wrong.  I even got a call one day asking for help to “break her husband out of prison” because he was put there because of his symptoms of dementia!  🤯 

I’ve also seen the remarkable difference one small shift can make. When I’ve offered another way of doing things, even to skeptical professionals, exhausted spouses or fed up adult children, the results speak for themselves. Better outcomes. Stronger connections. More peace.

That’s why I created Dementia Caring with Kerry, an online, self-paced program for spouses and adult children who want to understand this condition and love their family member through it, with more confidence and hope. 

Inside my program I bring you through 7 lessons, from what isn’t dementia (but looks like it at times), to what is changing in the brain and how to engage with this person for a full life!  I chose these 7 lessons because I have personally seen them make enormous difference in the lives of those with dementia, those who love them and those who work for them.  Each lesson is not only educational but is filled with stories and examples for you to chew on and guidance to make these lessons applicable in your situation.

Taking a Step Back…What Families Are Really Struggling With and How Dementia Caring with Kerry can Actually Help

Over the years, I have heard the same heartfelt questions and confessions from families again and again. Spouses. Children. People who want to love well but feel overwhelmed, uncertain, or consumed by fear, doubt and guilt.  These next few examples describe a sampling of common situations care partners for people with dementia find themselves in and how Dementia Caring with Kerry sheds a different light of perspective on their situations.  

1. “I wish I could understand what they’re going through.”

This is the most common thing I hear from families. At the heart of this is a desire for real understanding, not just surface-level information. Because once people understand the experience of dementia from the inside out, they can be more compassionate, more confident, and less reactive.

Dementia Caring with Kerry focuses not just on information, but the goal is for you to gain understanding and an ability to translate the generic information to be applied to your loved one.  I use stories, analogies, visuals, and examples to help you see dementia from your loved ones perspective.  And then I follow it up with clear, specific ways to interact and respond.

2. “I’m scared about the future.”

Families often live too far into the future. I see it all the time:

“When will they forget me?”
“Is it time to take the keys away?”
“How long until we need a nursing home?”

These questions are understandable and scary.  But, most of the time, they come years before they need to and in some cases, the feared scenario never happens at all. Yet family members suffer now, grieving a future that hasn’t, or doesn’t, arrive.

My program reinforces the need to be present, while helping you prepare with calm and clarity for the future. It helps you focus on today’s connection, not tomorrow’s fears.  In this program, I reassure you and ask you to trust and take courage that as you succeed each day, you can have confidence that you will be able to handle what the future holds.

3. “I don’t want to take away his dignity, but I also want to keep him safe.”

In the name of safety, families sometimes remove tasks too soon. You take over paying the bills because Dad made one late payment.  You determine Mom isn’t allowed to cook in the kitchen after one close call.

When people are stripped of their roles and routines, they either become depressed, agitated, or both and then, people blame the disease.

The truth is that people living with dementia still need purpose. They still need dignity. And they still respond best when they are treated with respect.

In Dementia Caring with Kerry, I encourage you how you might adapt a current skill your spouse or parent still has and show you a better way to protect their dignity while still protecting their safety. 

4. The devastating line so many have heard, “There’s nothing we can do. Get your affairs in order.”

This heartbreaking line that families have heard, generally from their neurologist, is a total setback.  Your instinct tells you there is something you can do, there must be, but this sentence from an authoritative figure leaves you doubting, frustrated and seemingly, completely unsupported.

You are willing to love, care, manage, change, etc, while you wonder what you are even working toward.  The seed of doubt, “is this even worth it” (especially on a bad day) has been planted in your mind and yet some of what you are doing is working.  Is it all in your imagination? 

Time and time again, these principles, these lessons in Dementia Caring with Kerry serve to affirm, validate and give relief that there IS something that can be done! 

While a prescription may not hold the answer, that is far from the whole story.  Dementia Caring with Kerry is chock full of examples of what can be done and how they were done with clients, leaving you with a list of things to try to validate your own gut reaction.

The Moment Everything Clicked and Dementia Caring with Kerry was Conceived

It was 2020—the year the world shut down.

I was newly married, living in Seattle, and doing one-on-one dementia coaching calls from my kitchen table. Just a few feet away, my husband was working remotely from the couch. Day after day, he couldn’t help but overhear the conversations I was having with families—conversations filled with grief, breakthroughs, humor, and the messiness of real life with dementia.

What struck him the most wasn’t just the pain. It was the hope in my voice—and in theirs.

He heard it all:

• The small wins families celebrated after trying something new
• The relief in a daughter’s voice when a new approach worked
• The honesty of a spouse who didn’t get it right the first time, but chose to try again

I had spent decades doing this work; walking beside families, bearing witness to their quiet courage, but now, someone else could hear the impact, too.

One day, he looked at me and said, “This needs to reach more people.”

It was in that quiet, everyday moment, not in a boardroom or on a stage, that the seed for this program really took root.

I had already spent 20+ years in this field, helping families rethink what’s possible. But this time, I knew it was time to take that knowledge and build something more accessible.

Something that could live beyond a single coaching call or conference lecture. A resource that could meet people right where they are—in their homes, in their hardest moments, and in their everyday lives.

This program had been slowly growing in my heart for years. But in 2020, my husband and I decided this is what we’re building.

What Makes This Program Different From Other Programs?

Most dementia resources fall into one of two camps: too clinical and impersonal, or too simplified and condescending.  This one is different.

I didn’t come to this work from a textbook. I came to it through joy, connection, and lived experience.  And I’ve spent the last 20+ years turning that into real help for families.

I was just 22 years old when I became an activities director at a local nursing home. I had the best job in the world in the worst place in the world, bringing joy to people who were often overlooked. I didn’t see illness, I saw people. I didn’t understand dementia yet, but even then, I treated everyone like they mattered. Because they did.

Since then, I’ve written two books, spoken around the world, and guided thousands of professionals and families. I’ve helped them do the same caregiving tasks but with less overwhelm and more peace. I’ve seen lives changed not because people did more, but because they started doing things differently.

Here are the key features that I have incorporated into the program.

• 7 practical, tangible lessons that break the experience of dementia down into clear, compassionate insight
• A hard copy of my book I Care, A Handbook for Care Partners of People with Dementia to accompany and deepen the journey
• Stories, graphics, and visual tools that make the content approachable and easy to absorb
• A perspective that blends professional expertise with a truly loving heart
• Concrete tools and suggestions tailored to the unique needs of each family
• A tone of gentleness, humor, and deep empathy — not clinical, cold, or crude

I really want you to know, that Dementia Caring with Kerry is not a one-size-fits-all checklist.

It’s a guide that meets your family where you are.  One that helps you think right, so you can do right, with more grace, more clarity, and more confidence.

What People Are Saying

Clients say the work is easy to understand, practical, and hopeful.

Take Alan and Marcus.

Alan lives with dementia and had recently hit Marcus, his caregiver. It had been a terrible day. Alan had been yelling, lashing out, and nothing seemed to be working. Marcus was discouraged, and so was Alan’s wife. The tension in the house was high, and no one felt safe or heard.

Then we made a few adjustments.

Alan’s wife explained to Marcus that Alan was dealing with vertigo — something that made being touched or guided difficult and disorienting. Marcus listened. He adjusted his approach. He let Alan move more on his own, and gave him space.

That very week, she emailed me:

“Friday was better for sure. I explained to Marcus about Alan’s vertigo, which made sense to him about not touching him. I explained he can push a mower and walk unassisted. Marcus said he would listen to me and not just what his trainers have said in general. Alan did most of the exercises, passed the balloon, and walked the stairs four times. And his attitude was lots better.”

She went on to say that she realized how even something as simple as how they reported on Alan’s day — talking about him instead of with him — needed to change. Instead of discussing him while he was in the room, they started including him. Or writing things down instead.

That little shift in language and presence? It helped Alan feel like a person again.

And that’s the kind of shift we see all the time. One small tweak, taking on a new perspective, a different tone, a change in timing, any one of these can transform the day for both the person with dementia and the people who love them.

And it starts with understanding. 

This work is just getting started…

I believe this work is just the beginning—because people are still searching for hope. For understanding. For ways to love better.

Spouses and children aren’t settling for “just get your affairs in order.”  They want more. They are working for more. They want support that is compassionate, informed and real.

Every time I tell someone I am a dementia coach, they immediately share a story about a loved one. A parent. A spouse. A grandparent.

And almost every single time, they say the same thing:

“I wish we had someone like you.”

Now, they do.

Ready to Feel More Confident, Loving, and Hopeful While Caring for Your Loved One with Dementia?

If you are wanting to be satisfied in your life as a care partner to this person you love and desire for this person to live fully through this disease process, then Dementia Caring with Kerry is your next step.

Because you’re already showing up with love. You’re willing to keep learning and trying.  This is the program that will help you gain the tools that will allow you to respond with more clarity, connect with more ease, and create moments of dignity, peace, and real hope—for both of you.

👉 Click here to learn more and join Dementia Caring with Kerry.